Thursday, September 11, 2008
We're still waiting for Tanya, Jason's sister, to complete her journey here on earth. It looks like it will be today but we've thought that off and on for most of the week so we really just don't know what to expect. Jason has had some very tender moments with her and I know that those mean so much to him. I've said my goodbyes and expressed my love for her and I feel as much peace as I can considering the circumstances. Cameron is very private in his grief - he's said his goodbyes to his mama but he's struggling. Haley doesn't understand what's happening. Our hearts are hurting so much. There's just no getting around it. This hurts. Last night I was thinking about Tanya before she got so sick and I was distressed when I had a hard time remembering details of things we used to love to do together. I realized (again) that she's been sick for a very long time and I was reminded of how very much we've already lost. I decided to share a few thoughts about her here (I can't get my pictures to load but I will post some of her later). Tanya has two truly outstanding qualities that I automatically think of when I think of her: her kind, gentle nature and her positive, "keep-plugging-along" attitude. Those two things make her easy to love and be with. Everyone that truly knows Tanya knows how sweet-natured she is and how determined she is to just keep moving forward. Tanya loves music; before she got so sick she was a talented pianist and vocalist. She even attended BYU on a music scholarship. Tanya loves tv and movies (I have so many fond memories of her curled up on the couch with her kids cuddled all around her). She loves to read. She is a girly-girl. She likes pretty things and being pampered and doted on. More than anything else, Tanya loves being a mom to her five children. They are her life and they bring her so much joy. Tanya has a gorgeous smile. It stretches from ear to ear. When I think of her smile, I smile. It reminds of good times we've shared and happy memories she's made. She loves her kids so much and she delights in their silly antics, their artwork and schoolwork and their affection for her. She always smiles when Jason and Mike and I tease her or someone tells her a corny joke. Her happy countenance often brings peace and happiness to her family and friends and it's something I've grown to count on in my life. The tragedy of Huntington's Disease is that it steals your loved one little by little and much, much, much too soon. I'll never forget Tanya's sorrow when she wasn't able to play the piano any longer, drive her car or to physically take care of her children anymore. But Tanya impresses us with her acceptance of the situation - not that she likes it but that she is able to still find joy in what she is able to do and that she is able to keep her faith in her Heavenly Father and His plan strong. Tanya is a special person: a gentle spirit, a loving wife and mother, a wonderful sister and daughter and a special friend. I'm so grateful that she is my sister-in-law and my friend. In some ways I've grieved for her for a long time but this dying thing - it's so hard, so painful. Yet we know it's time. And we are letting go because it's the only thing we can do for her now - lovingly let her go, wrapped in our love, so that she can shed her crippled and ill earthly body and let her spirit fly free. I love you Tan-O. I'm going to miss you so much. But I know I'll see you again and I know your dad is waiting to hold you in his arms again. Goodbye my sweet, loving friend. You changed our lives by being you and we'll always hold you close in our hearts.